How to Survive a Quarantine with Your Husband without Grounding Him, Divorcing Him, or Worse
Does the vow “For better or for worse” apply to husbands during this pandemic?
Living through this pandemic feels like a dystopian novel: fear and panic spreading across the globe, crisis scenarios playing out in our hospitals, restrictions on travel, closed borders, long lineups for essentials, stay-at-home conditions, growing stress and anxiety… and then you hear a familiar voice call out from the other room.
“Hey hon, have you seen the remote? Are you making lunch for the kids, because I’ll have whatever they’re having. Oh, by the way, your mother called about an hour ago and she wants you to call her back.”
And then that all-too-familiar voice calls out one more push-you-to-the-limit demand: “If you’re making sandwiches, I’ll have mine on whole wheat.”
That’s when you pause, contemplate your options, and consider whether the vow “For better or for worse” applies to your husband during this pandemic.
When your husband becomes your most challenging child
What’s worse, dealing with three rambunctious kids or one needy husband? The experts tell us that a crisis reveals our true character, and if we look deeper, we will discover that our maturity level is also exposed. This can be revealing and concerning for men because this type of crisis involves an invisible threat, in-home isolation, uncertainty, and too much time on our hands. If the crisis involved a natural disaster with a visible threat from a tornado, wildfire, or flood, you can bet men would be springing into action with our handyman tools, heavy equipment, and our “get-’er-done” adrenaline-charged attitude. With all due respect to our female and male frontline heroes fighting this COVID-19 outbreak, it is challenging for the stay-at-home men because we feel powerless and not very heroic.
Fortunately, we know our better half is the real hero in our home and we are grateful for our wife’s calm demeanour, responsible choices, and multi-tasking abilities.
Admittedly, we also know we can be your most challenging child.
How to help men understand you are not our mother – unless, of course, we deserve to be grounded
Is your husband pacing the hallways like a caged animal, tormenting the kids and pets, making a bigger mess than normal, exhibiting signs of sports withdrawal, binge-watching the news and sports reruns, snacking on everything in the fridge and pantry, avoiding the “honey-to-do” list, crowding your space, smothering you with silly requests, and driving you crazy with his constant excuses to escape the quarantine? Does he look for every opportunity to go pick up essentials? Does he tell little white lies to go for a drive? “I’m just going to drive by Joe’s place to make sure he is okay,” he will plead. Of course, while he is out, it’s likely he will see one of his buddies driving around too – because other than delivery drivers, essential services, and frontline workers, it is mostly bored men out on the roads.
If you were our mother, what would you do? Would you scold us, send us to our room without dinner, or ground us for a minimum of fourteen days? Fortunately for you, you are not our mother, but you do hold more power over us than most men care to admit.
Perhaps we should add a new relationship vow during this pandemic: “We will get through this together by working together.” The operative word for men to focus on is “together”, which in layman’s terms means sharing responsibilities, ensuring equality on the chore list, managing the rambunctious kids (including calming them down before bedtime instead of cranking them up with silly daddy games), honouring each other’s feelings, practicing social distancing at home when one spouse needs more personal space, and using this gift of time productively for self-care, family care, and relationship care too. Rejuvenating our relationships is a win-win for men and a wise investment for us too, because the alternative to grounding is more permanent and, as more than half the population knows, divorce affects our mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial well-being.
We have enough to deal with during this pandemic, so let’s work together and get through this together. Men have to step up to the plate and strive to become an MVP (Most Valuable Partner). Women might have to add “homeschooling my husband” to your long list of responsibilities. Hopefully, we will grow up quickly and become your star student. However, you might have to mother us just a little and remind us to “wash your damn hands!”
