7 Practical Tips to Homeschool Your Husband & Safeguard Your Relationship During the COVID-19 Pandemic and Beyond
Continued from previous blog….
It’s the perfect time for some love lessons.
Since you’re stuck at home with him, you might as well take this opportunity to educate him. Here are 7 practical tips to homeschool your husband and safeguard your relationship during this pandemic and beyond.
1. Help him understand that these are unprecedented times, and this too shall pass.
If he comprehends this lesson on the first day of homeschooling, he deserves a passing grade. Unfortunately, men can get caught up in the short-term inconvenience of being quarantined; such as losing our freedoms, missing out on our social gatherings and watching our favourite professional sports, and in some cases, dealing with the challenges of other bored kids under the same roof. It is imperative for you to set the tone, establish the house rules, and express your expectations for all of your “children” to obey and behave. We might need a subtle reminder that you are not our mother, but you do have inherent matriarchal authority over everyone in your home. To help men see the light at the end of the tunnel, you could encourage us to think of this quarantine as a game of survival, to test a couple’s compatibility during a crisis. We could also imagine this time together as preparation for retirement, or if we got snowed in at a cabin in the mountains or stranded on a deserted island with no toilet paper and no wifi.
You can help your husband keep things in perspective by reminding him that this too shall pass, and that the frontline healthcare workers and essential service providers are putting their lives at risk and making much bigger sacrifices. In the meantime, we also need to be aware that all behaviour makes sense during these stressful times. Bickering over silly things, criticisms, complaints, and breakdowns in communication can and will occur. And the best way to deal with these negative emotions and behaviours is with compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and expressing our true feelings. Talking things through is much better than walking away and muttering hurtful things under our breath. I’m sure most men have learned the hard way that women have incredible hearing abilities, even from another room.
Warning: While all behaviour makes sense during these stressful times, there is no excuse and zero tolerance for domestic abuse. Experts are reporting a sharp rise in cases of domestic abuse and a significant increase in calls to crisis lines. Your personal safety and the safety of your family members is paramount, and if you are at risk, immediate action needs to be taken. Report the abuse, reach out for help, and take whatever measures are necessary to protect yourself and your family members.
This pandemic can be detrimental to our mental health, and it is imperative for all of us to be aware of our mental state and to seek professional help when necessary. Men need to know that it is okay to be vulnerable and ask for help before things spiral out of control. My next blog in the COVID-19 series will be directed towards men, and I will emphasize the importance of self-care, self-awareness, and seeking professional help when needed. Women, on that note, under your guidance you can help your husband open up and express his true feelings – because contrary to old-school thinking, men who open up become stronger and live longer.
2. Once we start to open up, you can help fill us up.
A man’s closed mind can seem impenetrable, but when the heart opens the mind soon follows, and the feelings start to flow. Unfortunately, most guys struggle with expressing our feelings in constructive and productive ways. We tend to bottle up our emotions until they erupt in angry outbursts, immature actions, and verbal attacks. We try to protect our egos by thinking and reacting from the left side of our brains – our logical side. This is why most men like to hear the facts, see the numbers, and analyze the options. Of course, this is also why we can be so stubborn and close-minded. To help us open up and communicate from the right side of our brains – our creative and intuitive side – ask us how we feel about something. It will trigger a different response than if you ask us what we think about it. For example, if you ask your husband what he thinks about the virus outbreaks in long-term care homes, he might launch into a scathing debate about the incompetence of the system. But if you ask him how he feels about the tragic loss of life in the care homes, he will express an outpouring of empathy and sympathy for the victims and their families, possibly also offering suggestions to improve the system. Your encouragement can help us tap into our intuition and express our heartfelt feelings. Once our heart softens and opens, you will feel more confident sharing your true feelings, which in turn will unleash more of our inner feelings. This might not happen overnight, but since we have this precious gift of time together, it is a great opportunity to practice heart-to-heart communication.
3. Men could benefit from communication training, in particular, improving our listening skills.
Surprise, surprise: men might need to be reminded why we were born with two ears and only one mouth. If you have experienced some communication-based frustration with your husband recently, you’re not alone. On behalf of men, I admit we need to improve our communication skills. Unfortunately, getting a man to listen attentively during these stressful times is like expecting him to listen during a championship game when his favourite team is winning with two minutes left in the game. It’s going to be challenging trying to get your husband’s undivided attention, especially if he’s binging on negative news reports, fretting about declining investments, and wallowing in self-pity.
Most men need clear and concise direction based on the K.I.S.S. principle: Keep It Simple, Sister. If you want to be heard and understood, try communicating with men as if you were talking to a child. Tell us what you want, make us a detailed list, and be prepared to remind us over and over again until it sinks in. This will not undermine our intelligence or hurt our manly pride, because we want to understand you. We prefer to avoid conflict, and as you know, communication breakdowns are a common cause of relationship warfare. Our ears have been burned too many times with comments such as, “Did you hear what I said?” or “You never listen to me,” or “How many times do I need to tell you?” or man’s most-feared question, “Okay, what did I say?” If you talk to us as if you’re speaking to a child, you will help us grow up and communicate more effectively. Once you get our attention, then the teaching can begin. (If you would like to help your husband communicate more effectively, please download my free ebook, The Man Manual for Women.)
4. L.E.A.R.N. is a practical teaching strategy that works for husbands – and kids too!
Mentoring men can be challenging, especially if the teaching is perceived as nagging, criticizing, or forcing him to change. However, if you educate us in a non-confrontational way, we will be more open to learning. Here’s how you can do that using the L.E.A.R.N. principle.
Lesson – Communicate your lesson in a concise and easy-to-understand manner. It helps to point out the expected outcomes, timelines, and potential benefits for your husband and for others. For example, if you want us to improve our dishwasher-loading skills, you could start the homeschooling with a show-and-tell lesson.
Evaluate – He will need some time to evaluate how important the lesson is, how he’s going to carry it out, and how it’s going to benefit him.
Apply – Since men learn best by doing, this is an important time to stand back and allow him to apply the lesson.
Re-evaluate – Our male pride and insatiable ego will come into play at this stage as we re-evaluate how important the lesson was, how we did in applying it, how it benefited us, and of course how it benefited our teacher too.
Next – If everything went well for us and you are happy too, then we will be ready for the next lesson. For instance, once we master loading the dishwasher, we might be ready for some self-improvement and healthy lifestyle lessons.
5. Help him make healthier choices by leading by example.
You might have noticed your husband emptying the cookie jar or devouring all the chips in the house. Stress can cause us to binge on junk food in an attempt to feel better in the short term. But these high-fat, sugary comfort foods will only make us feel worse in the long term. We can’t snack our way through this pandemic, and you can help us make healthier choices by leading by example. This is an opportunity to adopt a healthier lifestyle together, including regular exercise routines, relaxation techniques, and getting more rest. (Once your husband discovers the benefits of naps, you will be rewarded with more time to yourself!) Be careful not to introduce too many healthy choices at once, though – otherwise your husband might rebel and resort to hiding the comfort foods.
If he is open-minded and ready to try new things, you could share the benefits of cleanses, yoga, meditation and prayer, or massage exchange nights. (Make sure you massage him first, so that he can learn from you and reciprocate your healing touch.) If he gets too frisky when all you crave is a relaxing massage and a good night’s sleep, you might need to remind him that “A happy, well-rested wife leads to a happy, fun-filled love life.”
6. Applying the three P’s when homeschooling your husband will help you keep your sanity and prevent him from driving you crazy.
Let’s face it, being stuck at home together can be challenging at the best of times. The added stress of homeschooling your husband during this pandemic can fray your nerves and shorten your patience with him. Applying the three P’s (practice, persistence, and patience) can help reduce the stress and frustration and lead to successful education. It also helps to reward your student with performance stars and recess breaks and, if necessary, discipline him with time-outs and extra homework.
Performance stars could include romantic dinners, in-home movie nights, and adult playtime. (Syncrohearts makes the adult playtime fun and our happy customers confirm it’s “the game you love to play and play to love”)
Recess breaks could involve outdoor adventures (while social distancing) and playtime with his man toys.
Time-outs are good because giving each other space is healthy for your relationship. Time-outs could also be considered as productive time for cleaning out storage closets, completing home-improvement projects, and making garage/man-cave upgrades.
Extra homework could include suggested reading material, inspiring documentaries, and more heart-to-heart conversations.
7. We will get through this together by learning, working & growing stronger together.
This pandemic will not last forever, but the lessons and experiences of being stuck at home together will have long-lasting effects on your personal growth and the growth of your relationship. This is an opportunity to help your husband grow and become a better man. In fact, he has the potential to graduate and become an RLM, which stands for Romantic Loving Man in-training. Why “in-training”? Men should always be in training mode when it comes to learning about relationships, communication, and the challenging issues women face every day. We have a lot to learn, and women have an amazing opportunity to teach us.
You can learn about the attributes of an RLM and how to help your husband become an RLM in my free ebook, The Man Manual for Women. You will also discover how to help men understand that love conquers fear and that happiness comes when we choose to see the bright side of life.
